Intracacies and Inadequacies of Life and Love

"I fear that we have become so enamored with the idea of 'love' that love itself will be forever inadequate."

I wrote these words in my journal recently:  a simplified summary of all that has been going through my mind in the midst of dealing with current events in my life.  Today I revisited these thoughts with a friend sitting in a cafe having lunch.  My feeling is that movies, music, and culture itself have served us up a template of 'love' that is completely unrealistic, and yet I've subconsciously accepted it.  I faced this realization as we had the discussion.  I find myself looking for things all based around feelings and emotions, as I'm sure others do at times.  Where is the music? Where are the fireworks? Where is the light shining down on someone so that I know I've found my soul mate?  Another conversation I had recently, with a close friend, centered around this very topic.  This friend brought out the point of view that if such love truly existed that we would never be able to function in our work lives, our school lives, etc.  This burning desire to be with one's significant other would eclipse all other feelings, emotions, and responsibilities.  Thus, where does this leave us?  What should we/I be looking for out there?  We know from a biblical standpoint that Adam was given the whole world and the love of God unconditional and yet he still yearned for something more.  That something was a 'helpmate', a woman, someone to share the world with, because what good is everything if you have no one to share it with?  This is a feeling that all of us share: all of us being sons of Adam and daughters of Eve.  Although Adam had nothing else to go off of, what was it that he saw in Eve that made him know that she was what he was missing?  Genesis says that Adam saw Eve and knew immediately that she was the 'helper' he was looking for because she was of his flesh.  This makes the qualifications seem much simpler than the lists we have created for ourselves today.  She was simply human, and that was enough.   Outside of that, the reality that I spent some time thinking about was that Adam had an advantage none of the rest of us are given:  he knew with full assurance that she was the one created specifically with him in mind.  That is where I will leave this off because I am honestly not sure where to go from there.  Where does that leave me?  That's for me to ponder.  Another question I can ask of you, reading this right now, is where does that leave you?  Phil. 

Paradox

“When I let go of who I am, I become who I might be.
When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
Have you ever struggled for love or work, only to achieve it when you’ve given up.
This is the paradox of letting go. Let go in order to achieve.
Letting go is divine law.” - from the I'ching

For those who aren't familiar with the I'ching, it is essentially an ancient Chinese text that talks about the balance in life of good and bad and the balance of opposites, etc. I would never insert it in the place of the Bible, but it has some really nice things to say, such as this portion of the text. It truly speaks to where I am at in a lot of ways at this moment in my life. I would much rather be the one to let go than to be that person desperately grasping for the tattered hopes of lost dreams. Elusive as that statement might seem, it is not a cop out in any sense, I'm not ducking any type of obligation to spill out my personal life because I don't feel that such an obligation exists. There are some paths in my life that will be tread in the very near future and I look forward to doing so with much less weight in my 'backpack'. I am happy with/thankful for the support system that I have in my life in the form of a very tight-knit group of close friends and family. Don't be afraid to embrace the paradox of joy at the expense of loss. Sometimes losing is what leads us to our greatest victories. God bless, thanks for reading. -Phil

Love

It's been much too long since I've posted; so much going on. So. . . on January 30th my band, My Personal Dowry, was invited to play at a Valentines Dinner/Fundraiser for a couple of ministries. Couples bought tickets to be fed a dinner, come see the band, and see presentations for the ministries that the night's funds would support: Teen Challenge and Prodigal Sons and Daughters, respectively. This was one of the most emotional and touching nights of my life. There was a middle point of the program, where we got off stage and people who had gone through either program got up and shared their testimony. It was amazing to see what God had done in these people's lives through the work of the two ministries. There are so many broken and weary people in this world, but fortunately there are ministries like these that reach out to such people and offer them hope and new life, as Jesus did when he came to this world. I was humbled at the opportunity to help raise funds for these ministries and hope to get to work with them again in the future. Of course, it was also awesome to, 'blow the roof off the place', as it was explained to me, what we did that night. Always fun to crank up the volume and do work on stage, and I was blessed by those who came up and conversed with me afterwords. Stepping outside of my box of Southern California was a great experience. The Bay Area and it's surroundings were a breath of fresh (cold) air. To sum it up, in the words of the Goo Goo Dolls, 'if only we decided to let love in'.

The City

There are few places that I love to visit more than San Francisco. It is a beautiful place filled with lovely scenery and lovely personalities. It's like walking into the 1970's. . . people are actually nice and happy to see new faces. Each time I visit, I try to find someplace or something new to me that I haven't experienced in The City. This trip didn't disappoint. On the way to Golden Gate Park, which I always visit on the way to Amoeba Records, I discovered Lovers Lane, one of the oldest trails in SanFran. The path, a part of the Presidio, was used in the 1930's as a path Mission Dolores and then later as a trail soldiers used to come visit their family and lovers in San Francisco. One of the coolest one miles I've ever walked.

Outreach/ Ministry

Upon arriving in Northern California last Thursday, I was greeted with an immediate opportunity to serve the homeless of Turlock, CA. When we arrived at Good Shepherd Lutheran, where we would be leading Sunday Morning Worship, the church was preparing for a homeless feeding that night. I decided to jump in and share some music and then later help with serving the food. The response was tremendous. People were blessed by the music, the message, and the ministry. It doesn't take much to make a difference, we just have to be ready and willing in season and out of season.

Mastodon Sighting!

I've been saying for a long time that when Doty gets his military cut he looks like a freshly hatched Mastodon. Thus, without further ado, here it is world: the most recent mastodon sighting.

Here's to new beginnings

It is 2011! Ready or not here we are. I started off the year performing w/my band: My Personal Dowry at the Xtreme Faith New Years Rock Concert. It was a great time and a great night of ringing in the new year including communion at midnight. I'm excited to see what this year has in store and I've resolved to be more attentive to the voice of the Lord. Upcoming later this month-- My Personal Dowry in concert on January 30th working w/Teen Challenge.